Milk & Manolos

I fear I may be turning into a snake. All of a sudden my skin has turned horribly dry and scaly, and each time I wake I wonder whether I’ll find the shell of my former self lying next to me. Of course, this could have it’s benefits. If the worst were to happen surely I’d find a wrinkle free me underneath ?

But let’s face it, the likelihood is slim, and fortunately so. Despite the thousands I would make selling my story to the tabloids I would be fit for a freak show.

In a vain attempt to keep my old leathery skin soft and supple I’ve pulled out the big guns. Oh yes, it’s time the Neal’s Yard Avocado oil.

There’s no getting away from the fact that I’m one of the largest fans of these green fruits known to man, so the notion of slathering myself in their nutritious oil is quite a pleasant one. The green hew of it is undoubtedly of small concern, however after years of use I’m yet to see it displayed upon my person.

A heavy oil, it’s not something you’d want to use everyday, but for the boring dryness I seem to get at the change of every season this bids it bon voyage, while keeping me salad fresh.

I am particularly loving The Husband at present. Saturday morning I was whisked along with a small person craving sugary treats (oh yes, NOW I understand what they mean about the terrible twos) to West London where I was lovingly placed, bleary eyed, in the reception of The Cowshed and told that they’d see me in an hour. What was my fate to hold ? Ahhhh. Only time would tell.

It wasn’t until I reached the ‘treatment room’ that I discovered that Him Indoors had organised, God love im, a signature facial, featuring not only an ‘extraction’ (I love that word), but a head and shoulder massage, and a plethora of lotions and potions that made my skin feel as soft as the Munchkin’s bottom.

Having indulged in many a facialists expertise over time, I can say, hand on heart, that I’ve never experienced anything this good and the best thing is - it doesn’t cost the world.

So send your him in doors this link and get him pampering you pretty damn quickly. You deserve it.

Having battled my way through 4 consecutive bad hair days, I’m ready to reach for the chocolate. One I can handle, par for the course surely, but four? Man alive, am I being punished for a previous sin ?

The one saving grace throughout the battle to tame my mane has been the everlasting loyalty of my super duper hairspray. When it comes to getting your hair out of the way and keeping in there, Bumble & Bumble’s Classic hairspray is your one stop shop.

Having Alexa Chunged my style, my otherwise wayward fringe is keep beautifully under control. Thank lord the days of Crystal Carrington hair is behind me. Loving the eighties as I do, that would be a step too far.

Having long since out grown the pull of sweet shops, I’ve merely migrated from the chewy and sweet tasting to the glittery and face making. I’m a self confessed lover of make-up.

For just £ 15 you can have something that revolutionises your look and gives you a minute or two in the chair picking up tips (thank you Space NK). You can barely buy a round of coffees for that at your local Starbucks.

My latest love is Nars’ Nightbreed eyeshadow, perfect for a day to evening make-up bag. Deliciously smokey. Of course it’s slightly terrifying loading the dark powder onto your brush ready for application, but remember, she who dares wins.

The Winter months play havoc with my lips.  I guess you could say I have a strange addiction to  lip lubricators because of this.  Also, because being the old married woman I am means  it’s essential I encourage the Husband to pay as much attention as possible to this aperture. Particular when it’s described by him as a Beak.   Oh how I love my Husband !

The last time I cleared my handbag out I found a mixture of 6 lip balms and glosses hidden away in it’s deepest darkest corners, so you could say I’m somewhat an expert on the things.  My favourite being the lip smacking Kiss Mix from Eve Lom.

With a zing that gently tingles away this balm is the the work of a genius.  I feel like I’ve eaten 4 After Eights after each application.  Sans calories of course.  The neutral colour and light gloss are the perfect pick me up to a tired looking face.  Believe me I know, this face is pretty tired, particularly today after a 5 am start.

This morning I’ve woken with two huge mounds on my face.  Red, angry mounts at that, and more than a little sore.  Resisting the thoroughly natural urge to squeeze, poke and prod I’m rising above it and reminding myself that big girls don’t cry.  

Fortuitously I have my Revlon Skinlights close to hand, my magical foundation. I admit that I’m not the most diligent user of foundation, finding it’s pinky residual on my mobile phone more than a bit annoying, however following a recent article in a glossy confirming that foundation is the basis of any decent looking face, I’ve decided to go back to my old favourite.

More like a tinted moisturiser, this helps to even out the skin tone without looking too heavy a mandatory requirement of any foundation I own. Adding a slight sheen (do not fear, it’s the most flattering kind, I promise) it really does give your visage the glow of the healthy and wealthy.  Better still, at only £ 9.99 and available at all good chemists, there’s not schlepping into town to track it down.

Smell is important, there’s no doubting that.  I know this from person experience, as anyone who has to squeeze onto the 08.03 to Waterloo will tell you.  I can literally buckle at the knees at first sniff of the great unwashed.  True, it’s a rare occurrence during commuter hours but thereafter we’re all fair game.  These people can come from nowhere, sitting next to you or making like a sardine by your side in the over packed carriage, smelling like something the cat dragged in.  Ugh, particularly bad on hang over days.

Priding myself on smelling sweetly at all moments, I always carry my Kisu perfume with me.  I love it so, I simply don’t want to stop breathing in.  Of course I do, because that would be plain stupid and purple isn’t such a good look in the face department.  My handy handbag size atomiser can also help deodorise those nearest and smelliest with the careful use of spritzing, particularly useful on public transport.  Now EVERYONE smells lovely.

Battling with the January blues, I’ve decided to give myself a makeover.  Well, a good talking to, to say the least.  Following a low key Christmas I’ve found myself lolling about in clothing that’s only suitable for a Sunday morning and no make-up, on a far too frequent basis.

Part of my master plan is to step up the overall look.  My dry January will see that my body is a temple, rather than the well loved church hall it was in December.  Now all I have to do is ensure my face reflects that.

While I detox to my hearts content, I can rely on Yves Saint Laurent’s Touche Eclat to help ensure that I’m looking my best. This is one staple NO ONE should be without.  Man, woman, and well, I’d like to say child but fear that would be a little too controversial, can benefit from having one of these squirrelled away in their bag du jour.

Light reflecting particles help give the face a radiance that sometimes can only be found following a 10 night stint at Chiva Som, and at a fraction of the price.  Get clicking today.  

If eyes are the windows to our souls, then eyelashes are the carefully crafted curtains and pelmets that beautify them. The more you invest, the better the look.

There was a time when I was a strict off the shelf, cheap and cheerful Ikea girl. Needless to say, as time has passed, I’ve progressed to handmade curtains and bespoke blinds. The difference they make is indescribable.

Gone too are the days when a lick of No. 7 mascara would be all my lashes were treated to. They now have a strict regime all of their own, and one from which I’ll never deviate.

The number one trick is to curl them. What’s the point in having beautiful curtains without tie-backs to die for ? I’ve experimented with many a method, including electrically heated appliances, however have now settled on Tweezerman Eyelash Curler as my hardware of choice. For extra curl try heating briefly on the radiator or with a hairdryer, however hopefully it goes without saying to check the temperature before putting anywhere near your eyes.

For extra glamour try the super duper Jinny Lashes. Professionally fitted, these extensions are attached to individual lashes for a look that will last up to 3 months. Martyn Maxey’s salon in Mayfair is the place to go, however be sure to save your pennies. With a full set ringing in at £ 150 it ain’t cheap but after all those years of frugality at Ikea maybe it’s time to splash out ?

The boring thing about this time of the year is the effect of it on the colour of my skin. Catching myself in a mirror only this week I was convinced I saw Casper the Friendly Ghost smiling back at me. This all because I’d gotten out of what I now realise is a vital habit … adding a touch of fake tan to my skin care regime.

Nothing new about that I hear you say, and you’d be right. Within 6 hours of applying my glow making friend, someone mentioned how well I looked. Bingo, result achieved.

My personal favourite, and one that I’ve given as gifts to many a sun-worshipping friend is Dior’s Self Tanner in Natural Glow. This is the one cream that not matter how slap dash I’ve been with it’s application it has NEVER streaked or embarrassed me. The same can’t be said for the Husband who fails on both those counts and I married him. Need I say more ?