Milk & Manolos

Any website that’s opens with “you have a better life if you where impressive clothes” has got to be a winner. With Miss Westwood’s words ringing in my ears, I kicked of the shoes, poured a glass of wine and thanked God I’d discovered it after the 7.30 watershed.

As a dedicated follower of fashion, stumbling across I Am Fashion has possibly made my clothes wearing year. Since doing so, I’m adoring it big time. Up to the minute fashion news presented with images galore for quick reference. It’s like an online Vogue meets fashion Wikipedia. You can digest it’s contents in short bursts which I love.

What every fashionista needs is two brave soldiers, out there on the front line to sound the bell, warning us what is to come - there’s no doubting that in Harrods Girl and Barneys Girl you get just that.

I love a bit of fancy dress. Back in the day, the Husband and I were famed for our themed dinner parties. Dressing up is even more special, not to mention just that little bit more embarrassing when there are only 8 of you.

As I scour the internet for a suitable Elf’s costume to dec out the Munchkin in for the family Christmas cards (the Husband favoured a nativity scene, however I feared that too close to the knuckle for my catholic family) I discovered Verbaudet’s kids costumes.

What could be more special than your little person dressed as a bee ? Or a frog come to think of it ? As for the ladybird, don’t even go there. Sadly, none of the above are quite right for the Christmas theme I was going for, but should I opt to send Easter cards, this is exactly where I’d come.

I guess one shouldn’t underestimate the bribing opportunities that a photo of your small person dressed as a bee can bring, certainly during their adolescent years. Could you imagine ? Darling, pass me my purse.

I have a new motto. Albeit not a glamourous one, but it is most definitely new. Are you sitting comfortably, then here we go. Never be without a baby wipe. These little things have saved me from many a disaster, and not all Munchkin related.

Just one, very fashionista type example - did you know that our trusty friends are used by fashion models to remove make-up between shows during fashion week ? If it’s good enough for Naomi, Kate and Amber than it sure as hell is good enough for little old me.

Here’s just a couple of examples of just how wonderful they are :

SHINING SHOES - give them a quick once over with a baby wipe and if you’re particularly keen, you can add extra shine by using some cotton wool to buff.

CARPET STAINS - you need to move quickly. Give them a quick scrub with a couple of wipes and so far I’ve been able to exorcise every spill and stain.

SPOT WASHING - it’s not just kids that manage to get food on their clothes. Not including of course, the time you’re running late and look down to find a big fat snot mark from your beloved babe, smeared across your favourite dry clean only garment. Do not fear. Work over with a baby wipe, or two and it should be as good as new.

CLEANING - they clean like demons. I’ve been able to get crayon off a newly painted walls and all manner of grubby hand marks off things.

BATHROOMS - you need to employ the Karate Kid wax on / wax off approach for this. Baby wipe in one hand, dry cloth in the other. Wipe over to clean, and use the dry cloth to buff.

CAR - give the interior of your car a once over for that Back to Black look.

PAINT-WORK - Man, I didn’t realise my paint work was so dirty. I started on the banisters and couldn’t stop. They’re killer at getting crayon and felt tips off things too.

I long to be the girl with the perma tanned, svelte, hairless legs that I see en route to one of my occasional places of work. Mine on the other hand are pale and more often than not little on the hairy side. I like to think I make a little bit more of an effort in the summer when someone may actually see my pins but in the winter I can let my standards slide, if just a little.

Needless to say, epilation is an essential part of life for any self-respecting lady. We all have our favourite methods and hence I can proudly say I’ve not shaved my legs for 15 years. I wasn’t terribly good at it, frequently pressing my blunted razor far harder than was good for either of us. It was at this point that my mother gave me my first Epilady.

Undoubtedly a form of torture I remember fondly how she helped me deal with the inexplicable pain it caused. 2 aspirins and a brandy can’t be good for you, but they don’t half help you on the road to smooth legs. It took at least two painful sessions (my mother wielding the damn contraption while I screamed in pain, pulling taught the red pimpled skin on my legs) to get up to just the knee. Fortunately for us all, epilators have moved forward a very long way in that time.

Following my early experience waxing became my primary method of hair removal. This of course was fine when I had the time and inclination to schlep to the beauticians of a Saturday to ensure a perfectly hair free existence. Particularly since the Munchkin’s arrival however time is of the essence and I had spent one to many a summers day in jeans because I simply daren’t show my old Ham & Eggs. That’s when I rediscovered the old epliator and Ladies, I haven’t looked back.

It’s been a whole different story second time around. After years of waxing my follicles, I’m pleased to say, are shot, so removal of the scanty patches of hair I have is so much easier and quicker. The machines themselves are far high tech too - cutting down on the painful side of this option. So much so, I now even to my bikini line. Too much information ?

I’m currently loving my BraunSilk Xelle. I now have my skills honed to a tea, and managed to create hair free legs yesterday in less than ten minutes. And let’s not forget the savings on beautician’s bills, which over the course of a year can add up.

The only thing to think about now is their colour but as they’re currently in hibernation I’m going to take my time on that one.

I honestly feel like I’ve just been mugged by the London Aquarium. The Munchkin suddenly has an obession with all things aquatic. Possibly a young Jacques-Yves Cousteau in the making or maybe just a 2 year old who enjoyed Finding Nemo - who knows what prompted this sudden fondess for all things wet ? So off we trek to the South Bank, mother-in-law in tow to go and find outselves some “Big Sharks”.

Late opening we had to queue outside for 10 minutes while the staff finished their cappuchinos and the fish prepared for their homosapien house guests. It cost a total of £37 for us to get in - praise the lord for free entry for the under 3’s and the mother-in-law’s OAP status, otherwise we might have been on the blower to Carol Vordermann for a quick loan. 40 minutes later we had emerged from our subterainian adventure more than a little underwhelmed. Yes, there were lots of fish. Yes, they were well cared for. Just very little else. Nothing interactive, not buttons to press, only a poor old sting ray to stroke. The only things on offer - face painting and novelty photograph taking, did little to aid a small persons enjoyment of the place only to help make the parental purse a lot lighter.

Maybe the Munchkin was just too young - I’ll give them that, but I honestly felt embarassed that this is one of London’s premier tourist attractions and none too proud of being a Londoner.

Unless they’re seriously into the deep I’d give this one a wide birth if I were you.

I’m quite possibly preaching to the converted, but for those of you who are yet to discover the joys of doing your grocery shopping online, I urge you to give it a go.

I love little more than a full on grocery shop, particularly en famille, but as life’s got busier so too has our shopping bill. The temptation of time saving treats was quite frequently too much for the Husband and I to bear - not to mention the ability for one of us to remember the vital pound coin for our rather unwilling and independent trolley. Then of course, there is keeping the Munchkin amused throughout the proceedings which is a whole different story.

I’m a Sainsbury’s girl through and through. How thoroughly middle class. We choose our hour slot and I shop away on line over the course of the week, sending my finite order by 6 pm the night before it’s due. They even remember our regular items which helps save on time. They’re rarely late, however if they are, we have a whole £10 off our next week’s shop.

Of course every supermarket is in on the act, Tescos, Waitrose and Asda all offer their own services. One gem I must pass on, is to avoid the purchase of any fruit and veg, simply because you’ll more likely than not end up with the least appealing specimens, often a little passed their prime.

Now what are you waiting for ?

The Munchkin has now moved onto counting. I sat with her the other day, my mouth wide open, as she counted 6 dogs in one of her picture books. She truly is a genius I thought. That was until the Husband came home and my adorable little Monkey refused to perform. Two Three Two. Four Ten. Her earlier performance sadly just a fluke. Either that or she’s already clicked that men prefer it if you play down your intelligence, in which case I’m tempted to phone Mensa now.

My mission now is that she learn the numbers one to ten before her second birthday at the end of this month. Pushy ? moi ? On a recent shopping trip to all our favourite Munchkin type shops I was more than a little bored by the traditional posters and wall hangings encouraging this numerical milestone. So much so I set out on line, credit card at the ready to find something a little bit more exciting and at Robin Rosenthal’s website I did just that.

Sleek modern designs are where he’s at and I for one am over the moon to find something that doesn’t involve felt or laminated card. I ordered one of each because I couldn’t resist it. I do have a genius to train, after all.

There is much excitement in our house about Christmas. From me that is. It doesn’t seem to fly into the Husbands radar until 23 December when all hell breaks loose, and as for the Munchkin, at 23 months old she’s pretty much oblivious to my enforced family festivity.

Looking back, her first Christmas was such a damp squib. Not only did I belive she’d be the life and soul of the party, I showered her with rattles-a-go-go, books and cuddly toys, most of which she couldn’t even hold let alone play with. It was all a bit much and by 7.30 pm I was asleep on the sofa for the night having drunk one glass of Glühwein too many.

Last year was a definite improvement, however she frustratingly preferred the paper and boxes to the presents I had so lovingly lugged along a busy Regent Street on a rainy Saturday sometime back in mid October. So needless to say this year I have high hopes. She’s already beginning to display the consumeristic traits of her mother - you can imagine the Husbands joy.

Intent on getting the perfect gifts I’ve just discovered Ptolemy Toys. They have a fantastic selection of wooden and traditional toys, not to mention bikes and even fancy dress outfits. I’ve seen more than a few things for the Munchkin, not to mention the God Children too. And should I so desire, I can even get the cats a present here too. Talk about one stop shopping. I love presents that are a little break from the norm and finding a website that sells charming presents that hopefully not everyone will be giving. I’ve possibly blown that with this post, but I think they deserve it.

It’s always difficult to know what to use as a changing bag. When the Munchkin was a babe in arms it was sacrilege to even think about using anything other than the dire Bugaboo change bag that it seems all new, and susceptible mothers purchase along with they’re IT stroller du jour. Since then, all manner of bags have been used, most frequently of late my extensive collection of pre-baby designer hand bags. As I’ve always said, you CAN fit nappies into a Gucci Handbag.

So gone are my days of lugging an ugly, not to mention impractical bag around with me wherever I went. Although it was only 24 months ago, it seems like a life time ago, and in fashion terms it is. There’s now a huge collection of bags, of a far more colourful and interesting nature out there. Mijnes is sporting some particularly good attaches for the Ma about town. Should I ever be brave enough to do this all again, I’d be making an investment into a suitable vestibule all new born related paraphernalia. It’s just with the reflux, it’s too early to brave the Miu Miu darling.

If you’re going to have bling, it’s important that it doesn’t just bling but that it’s ‘blangs’ too.

Of course there’s the old trick of dropping it in some gin, but if it isn’t your tipple (like yours truly) it can work out to be a pretty expensive option. Alternatively use a soft toothbrush and a small amount of toothpaste to give them a good going over. Rinse well (to avoid disaster I urge you at this point to make sure the plug is firmly in place). In less than a minute you’ll be sparkltasic.